We can live too long!

[Dave Grubb]

My wife (who will be 78 this month) fell getting out of the dentist chair a few weeks ago. She got home but was in so much pain I called an ambulance to take her to the hospital. With her collection of titanium joints, rods, cages and miscellaneous screws and hardware there was concern that she might have broken something. Multiple CAT scans, X-Rays and MRIs showed no damage to any of her hardware or bones---they did find a very large deep hematoma in her groin. She spent a week in the hospital and now has been two weeks at a rehab facility. She is scheduled to be released next week.

All of that is needed to understand where this is going. My wife---much to her dismay, has a roommate (my wife is a bit of a diva). The thought of having a roommate was a real downer---until she met her roommate---Mabel. Mabel is 100 years old and mentally sharp and physically very good for being 100. Mabel fell at her nursing home and they sent her to this rehab to recover. Mabel has two children, both in their 80s who visit regularly. Mabel is struggling, not with her physical frailties but her forced return to childhood. She wants to stay were she is now but is unable to because of a vast “conspiracy” against her.

Mabel has quickly grown close to my wife, who has assumed the position of advocate for Mabel. Tonight, Mable was crying because she knows my wife will be discharged next week and at this point my wife represents Mable’s best chance to exercise some control over her “life”. Mable sees herself as the “victim without malice” of the doctors, her kids, Medicare et al. Nowhere is Mabel included in that “circle of interest” making decisions for her.

This week I saw pictures of Jimmy Carter “celebrating” his 100th birthday---only I’m not sure Jimmy knew that. A previous outing for the funeral of Rosalynn had Jimmy in the same rolling “bed” in the same apparent condition.
Mabel is physically doing much better than Jimmy---but practically they are in the same boat---they aren’t on the bridge and have no chance of ever going back there. They will be told were the boat is heading---not asked.

To me---that truly is a fate worse than death.

[UTAH]

I hear that, Dave.

Both of my parents are alive yet but are severely mentally challenged. Their brains are losing effectiveness - yet their bodies go on.

All Wifey and I can do is spend time with them while they're still here. They don't always know who we are. But every now and then, they're back. Those moments are occurring much less, so we try to enjoy them when they do occur.

My wife and I have an ongoing discussion about prolonging life - and how it's challenging to ensure the quality of life is there as well. As a society we've advanced medically in leaps and bounds, yet all of our organs don't age at the same rate. Happily, we all know people who are still mentally "there" - like your wife's roommate.

We recently had a family meeting, with reps from all of our extended line. We discussed, and agreed upon, ways to help our elderly parents live rewarding and fulfilling lives - regardless of their disabilities. We'll all be there ourselves someday. So, Wifey and I have been setting up trusts and wills to assist our family members in dealing with us when we reach that point.

Hunter

[Truckman]

My Mom had been almost 100% bedridden for a year or so, and had been in hospice care at home for about 5 months shortly before her 99th birthday...She was alert and aware of everything going on around her, and was grateful to still be in her own home since her grandson lived next door and was able to look in and help her several times a day...I live a mile or so away and visited a few times a day to check on her, and do her laundry, bring her meds, etc...

I also took her a cup of McDonald's coffee which she loved every morning, so she could tell me what all the politicians had done wrong the day before (as reported by CNN) to ruin our country...That's where we were her final morning about an hour after the nurse had departed from her daily check-in...We were talking after she finished her coffee when she just stopped breathing...I called the nurse back, who pronounced her gone...She had zero pain of any kind all her life, and knew exactly what was happening and why...She accepted death as inevitable being the price to be paid for life...

I'm now 77, and don't have her advantages, living alone and doing everything for myself...That was not a complaint as I don't want to have to watch others do the things that I am capable of doing for myself for the time being...But I know I will eventually have that fall, or whatever else that might happen, after which - well, who knows what...There aren't many to look in on me occasionally, but someone will eventually...Damn, I don't like where this discussion is going at all, but I'll take whatever happens as the price of independence......Ben

[UTAH]

I don't like where this discussion is going...

Yeah, all of this talk Dave and I have been participating in I'd describe as somber. All of us know where things are headed. Regardless, it's good to get it all out - as it appears to be a need for highly social creatures, such as us, to do. Humans have an innate need to understand what occurs in our world.

Hunter

[FredK]

Thinking about lately.

Not really dwelling on it, but I would hope to pass like the couple in the news. Dying while in each others arms in bed, when a tree snapped and fell on the roof. Not much time to reflect on pass sins etc... just gone. May they RIP.

[UTAH]

I like it, Fred.

My grandfather, the FBI Agent, died the way I'd like to go. At 83, after awakening one morning, he said, "I don't feel good." Within an hour he was dead.

At his funeral, in Union City CA, the FBI and other LEO brass honored him by being there. Before the casket was closed, my father took grandad's gold FBI agency pin off him and pinned it on me. It's the most valuable piece of jewelry I own. I smile and think of Popeye (a name given him by my toddler sister in 1957) and think how wonderful it will be to see him again someday.

Hunter

[Sandman]

We were talking after she finished her coffee when she just stopped breathing...

I wanna go like Ben’s Mom….

My mom was in assisted living.. one morning she had breakfast and then her morning meds.. 20 minutes after logging her meds, they found her dead.. laying on her bed with Turner Classics on the TV.. Age 83..

Myrtle sounds like my dad.. he seemed sharp and in control to casual acquaintances.. but he was anything but in reality..